Please do the Universe a favor and read this account of the beginning, and pass it on to friends, relations, and random people you meet on the street who are just as worthy of knowing the true story as you are, if not more so.

The Beginning of the Universe

Recorded by a moldy gram cracker

 
    In the beginning, there were 42 Beings of supreme and total power.  They were fair and kind and just, if not very bright.  They lived happily together in a tiny beautiful boat in the middle of the Universe.  The boat was crafted of the finest gold with sails of spun silver and oars of emerald.  Every morning, they would come together in the middle of the boat and feast on eggs in chili.  When the clock struck 12:00, they would all jump into the Universe and get horribly wet. Then they would hop right back out again and have their afternoon meal, which consisted of eggs in chili.  For their evening meal they would have eggs in chili, and for a midnight snack they would have soup.  When they were not eating or jumping in the universe and getting horribly wet, they stared at the ceiling and tried to think of a way to pay the rent for the tiny boat that they lived on.
    Then one day on of them came up with a wonderful idea.  The idea came upon him while he was eating his slightly-more-radio-active-than-normal soup.  That idea was that they create another being and have Him stay in the boat while they moved to the country.
    On the day of the Making, everyone was in his or her finest cloths and clotheses.  Then, the landlord of the boat kicked them off of the boat because they had not spent enough time staring at the ceiling, and therefore could not pay the proper amount.  When they were forcibly removed from their living quarters, one of them fell on a random h-bomb button and then, the big bang bonged.

THE END

CREDITS

The words/letters/thingys in bold are from The Beginning of the Universe (the above account) and those that are simply in italics are the words that originally accompanied them in their original context.  Those that are in both bold and italics are both in the original context and The Beginning of the Universe. Those in default are the original (or almost original) context.  Those that are underlined are the title of a book. 

“42”—The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

“I like eggs in my chili”—the Great Eye in Mordor, the Third Age

“…stared at the ceiling and tr[ied] to think of a way to get a present.”—Eloise

“cloths and clotheses”—Unknown (a.k.a. I forgot)

“…wait—why the he[ck] would there just happen to be a random h-bomb button?”--http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/demented.php